He left me shattered and mentally scarred. Our divorce should have healed those emotional wounds. It didn't.
Nine months have passed, and I am still trying to piece together my life that was torn to shreds. I am a shell of the person I once was.
GRIEF -
Shrouds me in a cloak of darkness, isolates me from family and friends, and barely leaves me treading water. The only thing keeping me afloat is my rambunctious three-year old son, River.
FATE -
Brings Liam Bowers into my life. He offers me everything my ex did not - love, adoration, romance and peace.
TROUBLE -
Slithers it's way back into my life, threatening to kidnap the only glimpse of happiness I have found.
My past and future are colliding, and I am afraid the only fatality will be...me.
Alfred Lord Tennyson wrote this sweet little poem, that even if you’re not familiar with poetry you can more than likely recite.
“Tis Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.”
You want to know something?
I hate this poem. Every time I see or hear it I have to choke back the bile that threatens to escape. It’s collection of strategically placed words are complete and utter bullshit which people cling to in order to help them deal with the aftermath of a shitty relationship. What this poem fails to explain is that in the process of you loving the wrong person, you can subject yourself to a lifetime of constant pain and misery. It neglects to advise that when you decide to let this love go, you are left with a plethora of jagged broken pieces that you must somehow find a way to piece back together; you have to become a seamstress and learn how to stitch your own heart until its whole again. You are left trying to figure out the why’s and how’s and what could have-been. Until finally one day that fragile limb you’ve been standing on breaks … causing you to fall into the unknown not knowing where to turn. The only thing you know is that you are alone. Your thoughts of hopelessness and pain are the only company you keep, and no one, not even the one’s closest to you could possibly understand. Why, because they have chosen not to travel down the uncertain path of love. As for me, well my case was special, I loved an asshole so much that somewhere I unwillingly lost myself. I loved so hard that I was blinded by his untruths, none of this love I gave was reciprocated, and I paid the major price after I chose to disembark from his endless circle of disappointment. The price I paid was not in any monetary value, but my debt was settled by a journey I never wanted or asked to be a part of. This is my journey back from the dark unforgiving tunnel we call grief; these are the 5 Stages of Riley Winters.
RD Berg lives in the great state of Texas with her three boys who drive her to the brink of insanity most days. She loves to read, write and watch her two favorite shows, Game of Thrones and The Walking Dead. When she isn’t enthralled with a novel or a gory show, you can find her in the stands loudly cheering on her boys at their basketball and football games. She has three strong beliefs in life; Vanilla cake and Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla ice cream should be a major food group, Halloween should be celebrated every month, and Harry Potter’s birthday should be a national holiday.
No comments:
Post a Comment